The Wonderful and Trying World of Internet Porn and Monogamous Relationships

My Master is away today on business for the fist time in several months. He usually travels more frequently, so I was very lucky to have him home with me for all of the end of last year. But he needs to be away for several days, and so this will be the second evening that I have all to myself in quite some time. I have not been able to talk with him over the phone since early this morning, so I don't really know what his plans are tonight where he is traveling. However, before he left, we took some special photos in order to try and make a photographic header for our blog together. I am hoping that he has some time and desire to work on those tonight, but it really isn't my place to ask him to do so.

I do know that when he is traveling he sometimes chooses to look at the pictures we have created together. Which is very flattering, indeed, as we are married, monogamous, and he sees me anytime he pleases. (Coincidentally, I was watching the movie I Love You, Man recently, and Jason Segal's character says to Paul Rudd's character, "Wait, you jacked off to a picture of your own girlfriend? You... That... Wow. That is sick." It made me laugh, but at the same time, it same me a little sad because I really like knowing my Master looks at our photos...)

However, I also know that other times, maybe the majority of his private moments, he delves into the the wonderful world of internet porn.

Initially, like most women, I wasn't thrilled by the idea of my husband looking at photos and videos of other women, but I had learned from past relationships that raising the issue was probably not going to achieve anything except a fight. So imagine my shock toward the beginning of my relationship with my now husband when I stumbled upon (read: snooped and found) a secret cache of photos Master had collected that depicted all kinds of girls that had cum squirted over their faces, hair, glasses, breasts, blinding their eyes, dripping in their ears, clogging their noses, and choking their throats.

If you read my post from yesterday, you will know that this is not an act I thought I would enjoy or had even necessarily thought about very much. In fact, looking at the photos, I felt conflicted by the huge smiles on some of the women's faces and what I felt looked like a very degrading act. If by conflicted, I mean a little freaked out.

I am having difficulty recalling the timeline of exactly when my Master came on my face (and in my eyes, actually. He seems to have a special talent for that!) for the first time in my life, and we seem to disagree on the progression of events as well. Like I said, I never liked the idea of this, so I suspect I must have discovered this treasure trove first. He remembers me jerking him off on my face after I had sucked his dick one evening, but I find it hard to believe that I did that, frankly. I wish I could remember! The only thing that really sticks out in my mind is that my eye was very irritated and I felt wonderfully slutty afterwards. It wouldn't surprise me if I had a huge grin on my face just like those women in the photos.

I do know that after my initial shock of finding his secret treasures, I chewed those photos over and over in my mind. I remember a couple of them to this day very vividly. At some point, I began to internalize the act and use it for inspiration when I clicked my own mouse, so to speak. And now I truly love when he chooses to shoot his load across my nose after a good skull fucking.

What I feel I've come to understand at this point is that I could have stumbled across pretty much any downloaded porn stash of my Master's and I would have learned to love, in fact, need it for myself. That experience taught me a lot and has made me feel very positively about my Master's navigation through the wet waters of online porn. I suspect he finds inspiration and stumbles upon new toys, acts, and ideas he hadn't considered before. And if he didn't, I wouldn't have the supreme pleasure of being his little fuck toy-guinea pig. As far as I'm concerned, it's really a win-win situation. I wholly recommend that any person reading this post who struggles with jealously issues involving pornography try to shift his or her viewpoint and use it as a tool, some special insight into the delightful mind of your partner. Instead of being a wedge between you, finding your lover's porn can be an opportunity to bring you closer together. And I imagine helping to fulfill your lover's fantasies is a pleasure whether you are submissive like me or not.

In the years since, we've grown more and more comfortable expressing to one another what kind of porn we like to peruse and sharing websites with each other. My Master has very much inspired me to branch out, explore, and feel more comfortable seeing what's out there in a way I hadn't in the past. Yet even now it can still be fairly embarrassing for both of us to be so vulnerable and open with each other about this. Sharing your porn turns out to be one of the more intimate acts a couple could share, actually. Pretty funny if you think about it! But masturbation is so taboo and private, I suppose it makes sense.

Well, on that note, since I'm here all by my lonesome with no Master to keep me company tonight, I might do some exploration for myself... We are not at the point where my Master gives me direction for what I should be exploring out there, so I guess you could say that the world is my oyster tonight.

In other words, when Master's away, the mice will play. ;)

xoxo, Slut*
(*originally published on January 18, 2012)